okay the first installment of the new anti homo sapien since launching this ultra hi fi new piss fuck doom. and apropriate enough i don't remember ever being so disgusted with the human race as i have been recently see, i have no friends, all my friends sold me out, yea i know you don't give a shit, but i do and it's my fucking column so don't read it if you don't want to anyway, so all my "friends" blew me off and won't talk to me anymore, my drummer quit my band and so we broke up, i'm trying to start another band but i can't find a fucking drummer, i don't even go to shows or anything because i can't stand the people that i know will infest the place with their smoking and scenester rhetoric and prerequisit "hi's" to all my scene aquaintnces and then wait forever for the band i want to see to play, so i don't even go anymore. the only thing i do is work, play my guitar, write songs on my drum machine, hang out with my girlfriend and go to the movies and play video games and go out to eat and shit. i guess i'm getting old but instead of turning into some content old man i'm turning into some misanthropic old fuck who desperately wants to start a new death metal band to no avail. and this is depressing. i realized today that if i didn't have a girlfriend i might kill myself and realized how pathetic i am. the only thing that ever gave my life meaning is music and now that's compromised. i do a band by myself but of course it's not as exciting to play live with a drum machine and it doesn't feel like a band. and i need a band to be happy and cope with life. but the thing is i'm also fucking completely sick of band members (i.e. people) and all their stupid bullshit and don't want to start another band because i'll just have to deal with more idiot fucks, and i hate shows, so why do i want to play them? haul my equipment to play for at most 20 people and make $5? fuck that. lately metal has been my only consolation, i started buying cd's again and i think i'm fucking hooked again already. that and the idea of starting my next band. and my girlfriend. but take that away and i got nothing.